Posted | Monday, January 07, 2008 | by Ron I've been thinking about how I can avoid going back to the old ways ... old ideas ... old junk ... but keep the truth that the past has served me. I spoke at a spiritual emphasis series this last week. It was nuts to be back in that world. Here are some things that I wish I could be free from in those environments:
1. the need to have the approval of the room 2. the sales pitch 3. imposing my ideas 4. speaking before a (performance) band plays 5. the feeling of monologue ... discussion is so much more realtime 6. emotional response right there
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Posted | Wednesday, December 13, 2006 | by Ron Today, I'm just a guy w/ a job. I do as little as I can to mark off the task. There is no passion. No ownership. No risk. I am responsible. I will pay for all the desires of my stomach this month. Anything I can't pay for I will put on a credit card, and I teach my children to do the same. I will sit there and listen in church. I won't disagree w/ anything. There are professionals who will teach me how sleep when I know all the above is true.
When I youth pastored there was a young man who attended our mid week meetings from time to time ... sometimes all the time. He stood up one night during the testimonies ... kids talking about their experience with God ... Just after one of the girls from the group did a nice job of laying some serious religious flava on the table, he stood up and said "this is Disneyland" ...
Doug ... some knew him later as John ... and I talked honestly for hours on the topic of Disneyland. He didn't drop names but he made me aware of the parties that were going on ... what happened at those parties ... and that basically, a hand full of my "Christian Leaders" were all over it. He had only one word for it. Disneyland.
Doug died a few years ago. I learned much from his honest living. He called me one night ... told me he wanted things to be "right with God". We hooked up the next day. What an honor it was to get to know God with him in those days ... back in the day.
Anymore Crazyland is the winner though. If Doug were still around, we would have the "Crazyland" discussion. It's the anti smoking campaign you see in many magazines these days.
I think what we're talking about is the complete denial of the truth ... when the truth is so loud we can't hear it ... when what we do exposes who we are so much that what we say is no more than flava ... my word of choice. Flava.
I've got a speaking engagement is a few weekends. Some kids in Wooster Oh. Many of which really are sold out on the idea of "being right with God". My hope is that my words will free of flava ... that the truth will encourage someone to deal with the reality of God ... I hope I'm one of them.
My brother David, my mom and I sat in my fathers room at the Cleveland Clinic. My brother held dad's hand and prayed ... read scripture. He sat next to daddys bed, facing the same direction ... on his left side. Mom sat at the foot of the bed, also on the left side. She watched the monitor closely. She warmed dad's shin with her hand ... I was also at the foot of the bed on daddy's right side. I too watched the monitor as I held his hand. Those were the last hours we would spend with dad. Night feel. At 2:40AM July 9, 2003 my dad went to his reward. It was one year ago tonight.
I just want to remember. I want to honor my dad. He was a great man. I would like to think that one day I will rise to see dad agian. on The Day.
I've had many reocuring thoughts about what that might be like.
1. I can't fully understand now because I'm still "just human" ... the Holy Scriptures say that ... "then we will be like him" ... I understand that to mean we'll be like, Jesus Christ.
2. Dad won't be my dad ... he will be my brother in Christ.
2.2 Connie won't be my wife anymore, or my kids, my kids ...
3. ... That idea won't hurt any more because there will be no pain, no suffering, no sarrow.
4. I won't be afraid of people anymore. What they think of me ... if I've let them down ... guilt will have no place there.
5. My back won't hurt anymore
6. We will really know what it means to worship in spirit and in truth
7. We'll never be alone ... lonely will be stricken from the dictionary.
8. My mom won't be all bent over anymore ... she won't live in misery about the past.
9. I won't have to see my brothers leave and go home anymore. We'll be able to stay and play football again.
10. I'll know how to spell and blogging will take me 1/2 the time it does now. I'll be able to write what I want to say insted of searching for a way to say it with words I know how to spell.
11. We will really be equals. No laws will be needed. It will be clear ... who God is ... who we are ... and the difference will be bridged by the grace He has provided.
12. We won't need faith anymore. Faith is for stuff you can't see ... and we will see face to FACE.
I've asked myself as I've writen this why I believe it ... it's it something my friend SM says "we've been sold" ... or is this the part of "religion" that's for real. Honestly, I don't think it has anything to do with religion. SM dosen't either I think it has to do with knowing now ... before we see Him face to FACE ... while FAITH is still required. knowing who He is ... who we are ... and being honest about the vast difference ... the difference is vast ... that's why I need God's grace. It's because the word says to be Holy ... the way He is Holy ... and even today ... I haven't been. I need his CHANGING Grace.
My dad would ask me ... "son, how is it in your heart" ... he would rarely point his finger at me when my short comings were obvious ... He would simply ask me a question that there's no good reason to lie about. The time it took me to figure out what to say would qualify the answer.
One night ... 16 or 17 years old ... I knock on my mom and dad's bedroom door. I went in and sat on the corner of their bed. I began to confess the lies I had told them. I told them some specific things that were going on in my life ... somethings I didn't want there. I can't tell you what my mom and dad said, I do remember their forgiveness felt so good. On my knees later that night alone with God it felt good to tell Him about it.
My dad was a human. He did the wrong thing at times. I don't think on purpose, but simply out of being a part of the human race. He always wanted things to be done right ... and he loved it when they were. I remember how he would sit back and look at the church news letter when he was done laying it out. He wouldn't gloat but his smile gave him away. He felt good about his work.
On January 27th of 2004 my kids stayed home ... slept in due to a snow day. A candle that we had l burned the night before ... I was sure it was out ... set an arrangement on fire ... front corner of the living room.
10:00AM
Intercom at work
"Ron Flack call extention 345"
Yes, Ron there's a call for you, please hold while I trasfer you ...
Ron! this is Jenny from Connies work
There's been a fire at your house
The girls are out ... scared ... but out.
Your wife is on her way home.
I was in a meeting ...
I've got to go, my house is on fire.
9:45AM
Smoke Alarm sounds
Andrea's responce
Mom's burning something, I think I pull my pillow over my head
Alyse's respnce
I'm in the middle of a really good dream about summer. I think i pull my pillow over my heard
Aimee's responce
Some one is making noise on this a snow day ... a gift from God. I'm going to seek them out and kick their gosple fanny!
Aimee's screem to finding smoke billowing up the steps saved my families lives. The 3 of them went straight for the door. Aimee grabbed the phone on the way out the door.
She called 911 first
... then She called my wife's work ... in town. I was 35 mins away.
By the time I got home the fire was out. My kids were safe. My wife was crying. My house was trashed.
... and it was ok. The reality of what those minutes could have been. Thoughts that I need to discipline on a regular basis. I thank God for my kids.
THE DAMAGE
Due to the girls quick responce ... the fire departments 5 min. arrival ... the only "fire damage" was to the living room. The corner wall had to be touched up with mud and repainted. The SMOKE DAMAGE was unbelievable and amounted to $1000s ... And now I understand why we have fire insurances.
This ... the 3 week of June is the first time since this all began that I've come home at night. Got something to eat and hit the internet ...
I've redone our bathroom and kitchen ... down to the studs. Insurance covered the living room, dinning room, all 4 bedrooms. I'm taking a few weeks off and then I 'll begin the 3rd floor. It's my hope to finish by Thanksgiving.
Changing the way I think about worshiping God has really horked my ordained groove. My heart yerns to know God and live in proper relationship with his people. I've alway colored by numbers ... and now there are no more numbers. My Dad is gone ... our church is a circus. I've got no numbers.
I've been reading the 1st Chapter of 1st Peter. I think I'm going to just read it until I get it. Understand, Internalize, Utilize ...
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