Posted | Thursday, July 08, 2004 | by Ron
One year ago tonight

My brother David, my mom and I sat in my fathers room at the Cleveland Clinic. My brother held dad's hand and prayed ... read scripture. He sat next to daddys bed, facing the same direction ... on his left side. Mom sat at the foot of the bed, also on the left side. She watched the monitor closely. She warmed dad's shin with her hand ... I was also at the foot of the bed on daddy's right side. I too watched the monitor as I held his hand. Those were the last hours we would spend with dad. Night feel. At 2:40AM July 9, 2003 my dad went to his reward. It was one year ago tonight.

I just want to remember. I want to honor my dad. He was a great man. I would like to think that one day I will rise to see dad agian. on The Day.

I've had many reocuring thoughts about what that might be like.

1. I can't fully understand now because I'm still "just human" ... the Holy Scriptures say that ... "then we will be like him" ... I understand that to mean we'll be like, Jesus Christ.
2. Dad won't be my dad ... he will be my brother in Christ.
2.2 Connie won't be my wife anymore, or my kids, my kids ...
3. ... That idea won't hurt any more because there will be no pain, no suffering, no sarrow.
4. I won't be afraid of people anymore. What they think of me ... if I've let them down ... guilt will have no place there.
5. My back won't hurt anymore
6. We will really know what it means to worship in spirit and in truth
7. We'll never be alone ... lonely will be stricken from the dictionary.
8. My mom won't be all bent over anymore ... she won't live in misery about the past.
9. I won't have to see my brothers leave and go home anymore. We'll be able to stay and play football again.
10. I'll know how to spell and blogging will take me 1/2 the time it does now. I'll be able to write what I want to say insted of searching for a way to say it with words I know how to spell.
11. We will really be equals. No laws will be needed. It will be clear ... who God is ... who we are ... and the difference will be bridged by the grace He has provided.
12. We won't need faith anymore. Faith is for stuff you can't see ... and we will see face to FACE.

I've asked myself as I've writen this why I believe it ... it's it something my friend SM says "we've been sold" ... or is this the part of "religion" that's for real. Honestly, I don't think it has anything to do with religion. SM dosen't either I think it has to do with knowing now ... before we see Him face to FACE ... while FAITH is still required. knowing who He is ... who we are ... and being honest about the vast difference ... the difference is vast ... that's why I need God's grace. It's because the word says to be Holy ... the way He is Holy ... and even today ... I haven't been. I need his CHANGING Grace.

My dad would ask me ... "son, how is it in your heart" ... he would rarely point his finger at me when my short comings were obvious ... He would simply ask me a question that there's no good reason to lie about. The time it took me to figure out what to say would qualify the answer.

One night ... 16 or 17 years old ... I knock on my mom and dad's bedroom door. I went in and sat on the corner of their bed. I began to confess the lies I had told them. I told them some specific things that were going on in my life ... somethings I didn't want there. I can't tell you what my mom and dad said, I do remember their forgiveness felt so good. On my knees later that night alone with God it felt good to tell Him about it.

My dad was a human. He did the wrong thing at times. I don't think on purpose, but simply out of being a part of the human race. He always wanted things to be done right ... and he loved it when they were. I remember how he would sit back and look at the church news letter when he was done laying it out. He wouldn't gloat but his smile gave him away. He felt good about his work.